They say time heal all wounds. That your heart will mend given enough time. If that is the case then I suppose not enough time have elapsed since mom's demise for I still feel a sharp pain in my heart and a heaviness and an emptiness that won't go away.
Life would go on as usual and then suddenly the pain will surge up suddenly that tears just start to well up and sobs are escaping my mouth, pain so acute that I'd feel death is preferable. But I mustn't go that way. No, I'm not suicidal. Not lately, but the pain that drowns me sometimes feel like it's so strong that I'm dying inside. Longing to be with mum, but alas she is beyond reach.
All I can say to myself, is to live my life in honour of mom's memories. To live by her ideals and to achieve for her the things that she wants me to achieve for myself. To be the wonderful person she believed she had raised, and which I aspire to be daily. To remember her in everything that I do and not to forget all the things she has taught me. to live a life that would have made her proud of me. That is all I can do now and to remember her, always.
Always the clever realism she is fond of saying in reply to my nonsensical hypothetical questions. Like, what would happen to me mom? What would my life be like? She will always answer in her quirky straight-forward way, along the lines of que sera sera, but imbued with Mom's style. Oh boy, how I miss her sanguine nonchalant way of looking at life, taking each day as it comes and welcoming it with open arms.
Mom, if I could share the world the beauty which were you, I would. I would paint the world with the colours of your smile and decorate it with the beauty etched in your heart. Mom, you were the gem in my life and the brilliance of the jewel which were you, will shine from the memories I have of you enshrined in my heart and mind.
Mom, please know, where ever you are now, that you are sorely missed and we live now lesser for having lost you. You lived a meaningful life mum, and this is attested by the fact that you are dearly missed by the ones you left behind. Fare the well, my wonderful mom.
Yasleh Hani Wati
0407 hrs. April 2.1 1
Laman Pendita,
Gelanggang Seni Warisan,
Kuantan, Pahang, Malaysia
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