In Memory Of Mum On The Eve Of Aidil Adha

by Yasleh Hani Wati

Mummy,

adik rindu mummy sangat-sangat. Tak terdaya adik nak menahan air-mata

yang asyik nak gugur. Mummy, takdir tuhan telah memisahkan kita terlalu

awal. The journey of my life waits for me far ahead and I must travel it now

without you by my side. At this moment in time, just shy of two weeks after

your demise, I can’t seem to contemplate what life is going to be like without

your quiet confidence guiding me in the right path to follow. You had always

been there for me Mom,  no questions asked, no judgement laid out, just being

there as a beacon of strength supporting me through thick and thin, letting me

know every now and again of your constant presence by assuring me that

you’ve got my back if anything should fall out of place and I should fall apart.

Mom, you are gone now and all the building blocks of my life which you

helped build these past 31 years has shattered along with my heart. Mom, you

are irreplaceable and I struggle daily now to go on living a life that is devoid

of your charm and grace. I know you wouldn’t want me to stop living my life

just because you are gone now, I know you would have wanted me to move on,

but mom, how can I go on without you, my constant companion, to a life that

now must be lived without you in it? Mum, tomorrow is hari raya haji and it’s

the first of many from now on that I have to celebrate without you. What is a

feast, without your culinary mastery, what is a celebration without you to

celebrate it with? Somehow, I must find the strength to find an answer to these

questions which does not include you in the equation. And this is my struggle

now mom. To contemplate on a life that must be lived without you in it.

What a heartbreaking trial this is. To have lost you and now to have to learn

to live without you is something I am having a lot of trouble accepting. Mom,

I know you are in a better place now and that and that alone give me the only

solace I can find in this dark times. I console myself with the knowledge that

 you are no longer suffering and that at least give me peace; knowing that you

no longer feel any pain. Rest in peace mom. However hard it is for me to

 accept that you are gone, I don’t  begrudge you your demise. I want you to

have a peaceful afterlife and I pray daily that your soul is at rest and that

Allah SWT has placed you among the faithful. Al-Fatihah.

 Adik, Yasleh Hani Wati Mat Yassin

12.25 pm Tuesday 16 Nov., 10

Rumah Uncle Nizar,

Impian Heights, Taman Impian Emas

Skudai. Johor.